In the days before the November 2010 election we thought we should honor one of the thousands of Super Star Sociopaths living their lives as politicians. So many to choose from!
Enter former aide, Andrew Young, who made a praiseworthy transformation from a Miserable Sucker (of the most pathetic variety) to a truly honorable Happy Sociopath!
Here’s the sociopathic fairy tale:
Once upon a time there was a shy man in his mid-thirties who, through hard work and dedication became the most senior aide to his hero, presidential candidate John Edwards. He appeared the perfect grunt: devoted, willing to do all menial and degrading work, take flack, and freakishly loyal. When Edwards began an illicit affair with documentary webisode producer and self proclaimed spiritualist, Rielle Hunter, Young was instrumental in keeping the scandal from leaking to the press, the public and most importantly Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth.
At the time of the affair, Elizabeth’s ongoing battle with breast cancer made her a very sympathetic potential first lady, and the public loved her. There was no way a great politician (and Happy Sociopath) like John Edwards was going to lose her. The other woman, Rielle couldn’t wait for Elizabeth to finally die so she could fill her place. But when Elizabeth kept right on living Rielle took matters into her own hands and got, you guessed it, pregnant!
The plot thickened as Young was forced/willing to hide Rielle in his house (with his wife and kids) and claim her cute baby-bump was his doing. When the National Enquirer got wind of a potential political sex scandal, the group went on the lam for the duration of the pregnancy running from North Carolina to Florida to Colorado and then finally California.
All the while Young stayed true to Edwards, believing like a good Miserable Sucker that he would be rewarded for his efforts, that his reputation would be restored and he would be guaranteed work… Just as soon as either Edwards lost the primary or Elizabeth Edwards bit it.
When, during the summer of 2008 John Edwards was photographed at the Beverly Hills Hilton with Rielle and baby Quinn, Edwards went “public” with the story, that is, he cried blackmail!
It started to occur to Mr. Young that Edwards was never going to tell the truth. With his reputation ruined, banished from all political circles, and no chance of getting another job without Edwards clearing his name first, Andrew Young hit the Miserable Sucker bottom. So when he came across a video that was left at his house with a bunch of Rielle’s stuff, he watched it. Behold, the Holy Grail of all revenge fantasies, a video showing a blissful John Edwards with a glazed donut grin between the legs of a very naked and pregnant Rielle.
At that moment Young decided to stop being the victim and start making victims! In true Hollywood espionage style he opened a safety deposit box, hid the video and began recording all phone calls.
In a last ditch effort to hang on to his status as John Edwards’ personal bitch-boy, Andrew Young confronted the presidential contender in the parking lot of a Panda Express and told him if Edwards didn’t clear his rep, he’d have to take matters into his own hands. When Edwards blithely refused, things got heated and Edwards drove off in a huff, forgetting the bag of Moo-Shu Pork on the roof of his SUV.
Happily, fingers dancing across the keyboard, Andrew Young wrote the tell-all book chronicling John Edwards’ scandalous affair with Rielle Hunter, use of campaign funds to maintain her high living and resulting love-child. The book, aptly titled “The Politician: An Insider’s Account of John Edwards’s Pursuit of the Presidency and the Scandal That Brought Him Down” has recently sealed a deal to be turned into a movie by non other then Hollywood heavy hitter Arron Sorkin! Can you say fame and fortune? How’s that for Happily Ever After!
Congratulations Andrew Young on beating a mad posse of Sociopaths at their own game! You are a success story to inspire the masses of Miserable Suckers out there.